bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
