What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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