The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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