brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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