Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
