Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
