There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
