I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
