I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
