my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
