you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
