My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
