Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want her autograph on my taint
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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