Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
and you fell through a lawn chair
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
