If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
