All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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