I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Two words: blizzard sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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