i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
