Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
