This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
