I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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