If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i've created a new STD.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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