your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Semen is not good for contacts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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