Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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