Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
