I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
