We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
