the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
