come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
