We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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