we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
