No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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