i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
