you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
