Where did you get a picture of my penis
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
