Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
