Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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