I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
