we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
