Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
