jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
