Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
