Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
