he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
