I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
