Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
