i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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