I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
