If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
