would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
