peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
