he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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