I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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