I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Two words: blizzard sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
