I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
