Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
