She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
