im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
